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Andromache Moyle

[1836/1837][EN] I'm growing out of my own skin

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Monday the 1st of May 1837 - in the morning - Charms

 

Andy was not a winter type. Winter was a time of standing still, of hiding in your warm rooms in front of a fireplace, covered in blankets. Of waiting for the wind to die, the snow to stop, the world to wake up again. Winter was a time of waiting, waiting, waiting.

 

Andromache was good at waiting, she wouldn't deny that. She had practiced it, for years, every single second of the day, waiting, waiting, waiting. If there was a world cup of waiting, she would win the golden medal. But she didn't like waiting. Waiting was like an itch underneath her skin, out of reach when you tried to scratch it, always present to remind you that you had to stay still, not move, be calculated. She wanted to tear it off, sometimes, tear off her skin and run wild, but she just... had... to... wait.

 

And so she did. She bit her lips and smiled and grew up and waited. 

 

But soon, the summer would come. And then she wouldn't have to wait anymore.

 


 

Grade: Exceeds Expectations / Boven Verwachting 

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Tuesday the 2nd of May 1837 - in the morning - Study of Ancient Runes

 

Andromache had never really needed to express herself. Some people spent months, if not years, trying to find their voice, a way for them to shout into the void and get heard, as if the opinions of other people, a response, would make them feel better. It was pathetic, the idea that you needed to write something down, explain how you felt, let your inner thoughts out in words, and then expect to feel better.

 

Andromache loved action more than words. She loved to smile, and see chaos. She loved to cry, and feel pity. She loved to touch, and see confusion. 

 

Who needed words? Words just wore you down, words just made you think that you were taking action, while you weren't doing anything at all. Words didn't change the world, didn't make it a better place, didn't take revenge on your enemies, or healed a broken heart.

 

Words were waste.

 


 

Grade: Poor / Slecht 

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Thursday the 4th of May 1837 - in the afternoon - Duelling

 

Words were waste, but action was like a song whose tune only she could sing to. She had music in her body, fingers fit to play the piano or the harp or the violin, and so she had, as a child. She had loved the drumming of strings underneath her fingers, the music she could lure out of them, being swept away in something only she could see and understand.

 

But then the cracking of fire replaced music. She had picked up an instrument after that, felt the cold wood settle against her chin, and the strength of the strings at her fingers and she had lured music out of them, but... it had not been enough. 

 

It sounded the same to others, they told her, sweet and wonderful, maybe even better, but it hadn't resonated in her heart. She couldn't feel the bass anymore, the notes make their way through her entire body, filling her from her toes to the tip of her head. It had been... nothing.

 

She had been lost for a while. Who was she without music? Who was she without those tunes, the notes, the meaning of her entire life? Why did everything had to be taken away from her? Why had she lost it all?

 

And then, duelling. 

 

She had almost skipped the lesson, decided to drop the course because what good would it do to learn a spell if nothing could prevent you from being swallowed up by the flames, but she had went anyway. And...

 

And.

 

It felt familiar, but new, exciting, but terrifying. It had made her heart beat, something she had entirely forgotten her heart could do, and while she waved her wand and ducked and sometimes got hurt, music had become bearable again.

 


 

Grade: Outstanding / Uitmuntend 

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Friday the 5th of May 1837 - in the afternoon - Potions

 

She didn't want an easy fix. Andromache had her issues, issues that one might think would be beyond her capabilities, but she wasn't one to surrender when it got difficult. She wasn't one to even think of that. She persevered, worked hard for her goals, didn't want to give anything up, anything away. She was greedy with what she took on, always looked at the paths before her and then sprinted down the most difficult one.

 

Because otherwise, what was the point? Why would you take the easy way, live your life without bumps in the road, mediocre, the most interesting thing the sweater you're going to wear for Christmas. 

 

Andromache needed more. She craved more. 

 

Rather dead than boring. Rather beaten down than satisfied with nothing. Better torn apart, bleeding from every shred of your soul, than forgive and forget.

 


 

Grade: Exceeds Expectations / Boven verwachtingen 

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Tuesday the 9th of May 1837 - in the morning - Defense against the Dark Arts

 

Some people liked to say that you, yourself, was your greatest enemy and secretly Andromache always wondered if those people were crazy. How could your own self be your greatest enemy? Yourself was the one person you could trust, the one you knew better than anyone else, the one who was always there for you, no matter what. Other people left you, lied to you, betrayed you, cared for themselves, but little about other people. She was the same, she had to admit, Andromache put her own needs over anyone else's. And she didn't think that was a bad thing. She could still be a friend, a daughter, a lover, but she would care for herself first.

 

And then, only then, would she care for others.

 


 

Grade: Outstanding / Uitmuntend 

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Tuesday the 9th of May 1837 - in the afternoon - Muggle Studies

 

Andromache didn't have a lot of pity for other people. She technically knew she ought to, after all, she hadn't had an easy start in life and lots of people had gotten it worse, but... so often, other people frustrated her. How they would try to drown themselves in their sorrow, drag others with them, constantly talk and talk and talk about the bad things that happened, and not taking responsibility. Not doing anything to fix it themselves. Instead they waited, blamed other people, let them shoulder the responsibility for their lives. 

 

And then when you told them to shut up, to get their act together, to take control instead of just complaining? They would only blame her, only make her the villain and them the victim.

 

She hated those people. 

 


 

Grade: Acceptable / Acceptabel

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Wednesday the 10th of May 1837 - in the afternoon - Transfiguration

 

Andromache knew she had a lot of strengths and that the way she looked was one of them. She was blessed in that regard, that though she might not be the prettiest girl alive, she was pretty enough that most people disregarded her as anything else than 'oh, that pretty girl'. She received her fair share of attention, took care in her appearance and used it to the best of her abilities. After all, why not use what you've been given? Why was using your intelligence, your ambition and your desire for retribution more commonly accepted than using your looks?

 

It didn't matter to Andromache, other people's opinions were just another distraction.

 


 

Grade: Exceeds Expectations / Boven Verwachtingen 

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Thursday the 11th of May 1837 - in the morning - Healing

 

She had many wounds to heal, perhaps more than proper for the young girl that she was, but she couldn't help her life up until this moment, could she? No one was in charge of their own lives at such a young age, even if she had wanted to, even if she would do anything to take back control. Her parents had died, and there wasn't anything she could've done it stop it. 

 

Some wounds healed slowly, took years to close and would always catch up with you on the darkest of days, pounding their way into your life, reminding you of the scars and the brands that you carried. They would hurt, throb and remind you that you weren't whole, that you were broken. And maybe they would itch and you would scratch them open yourself, look at the blood on your fingernails and feel both relieved and ashamed. 

 

All her wounds felt that way, like an itch underneath her skin. Oh, how she longed to scratch. How she longed to be relieved.

 


 

Grade: Exceeds Expectations / Boven Verwachtingen

 

End of this topic! 

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